*Sighs* learn from my story and judge me not.
My name is Adebisi and I’m 25 years old. I finished from a popular Nigerian University where I studied accounting and left the school with a 2nd class upper case. I never had a serious relationship when I was in school but just “Close friendship” without 18+ stuffs so you can say I’m a Virgin or a fresh looking flower. Believe me, it wasn’t easy for me but I never saw any guy who was ready to be serious with me but most followed me because I was that rich, beautiful and endowed lady. You just asked yourself ( A uni girl didn’t have sex all through her 4years? ) YES! I never did! I believe in making love with a loved person not just a guy who will spend millions on you and your friends. I left school with a naive mindset about relationship but a mature girl with great brain.
One faithful day ( I thought) , I was in a restaurant in lagos when a man walked up to where I sat down, ( I fell inlove with this charming man immediately) but I didn’t show any interest or sign of likeness because I didn’t know what he wanted to say. “Hello miss, could I sit with you?” he said this with a cool smile on his face. “Oh well, you can” I acted like I never gave a damn about his presence but I actually did. We talked and talked and talked and we exchanged numbers that same day but didn’t allow him to give me a ride just not for him to know my house. I didn’t know what happened but I knew I gave him the number and wished he asked for my bbm pin. I left the scene and decided not to think too much about the young man.
After some days, I received a call from this young man I met at the restaurant, ohh his name? “Emeka”. Oh well, he just called to ask for my well being and all sha. He started calling so much I knew he had something in mind but he never wanted to say within a short time even though I wanted him to because I had fallen for his caring attitude, personality and all. He called me this boring evening and asked me if we could go on a dinner, OMG, I was so happy to say YES! I even wanted to say “Yes baby” but as a Nigerian girl, I had to form a little so as to look decent and not cheap. We met at the 5 star hotel in Lagos ( ikeja) and we had our 1st kiss that night. I know you are thinking I’m Hoe or cutlass but No! I was inlove with the perfect guy. He had everything I wished for in my man’s life.
After sometime, we started dating and everything was going fine but It was too late for me to know Emeka was a jealous guy, a drunk and had some nasty friends. He never showed his true self to me for over four sweet months we spent together before dating. I wanted to leave him but I was so into him, I hoped he was going to change but Emeka never did. “Did I make a mistake for falling for Emeka trap? Was I stupid to say yes to his date request? I asked myself all these but still hoped he changed. Emeka and I started having sex atleast 6 times a week and I must say I enjoyed every sex/style we had but he sometimes violently made love with me. I wasn’t bothered because he told me how much he loved me after we made love.
One day, Emeka and I were in the living room having fun and my phone rang. It was a male friend who called me to check up on me and all but Emeka never calmed down and he beat me mercilessly that day for picking up my phone to talk to a male friend. I never saw it coming or even believed he could do something like that to me who he claimed to love. I overlooked it after he apologised and told me he was never going to do that again. I was perplexed for some days after the beating incident but love was too much for him I overlooked.
Emeka and his friends came back home one night and they were so drunk and lifeless. I was surprised to see the gentle man I met some 6months ago in that manner and also wasn’t happy when I saw his 3 friends with him that night. I went straight to my room with so much anger and locked my door thinking I will wake up to my normal man lover in the morning. GBA GBA GBA, it was a knock on my door and I was scared at first. “Who’s that?” I said with a shaky voice “It’s me” Emeka replied with a silly drunk voice, I went straight to my door and immediately I opened my door, Emeka and his 2 friends rushed in, carried me to the living room and made love to me violently that night. I WAS RAPED!!!!!!
I cried all night after the incident and packed my bags, I just wanted to leave the house and his life. I couldn’t think of who to tell about what just happened but I left for good. After some days, Emeka started calling and he sent me different messages apologising for whatever happened that night and asked if I could meet him at our regular joint. I thought of not going but I loved him! I really did love Emeka so I went straight to our joint. He apologised and promised to change and never do what he did again, he even told me he had cut his friends away because they urged him to do what he did. After all the begging, I forgave him, followed him to his home and we made love. I didn’t know what was wrong with me but I loved him so much.
Meanwhile, after Emeka apologised to me, he added beating again to his case and I suffered a lot from him via his beating and threatened me never to tell anyone about it and yet I never wanted to leave him because I loved him. I told different lies about my injuries and guess what? He kept raping me whenever I told him I wasn’t ready for sex with him. We used to have 6 times a week but switched to atleast 15 rape incidents a week or 2. I was tired of all these but never wanted to leave because of the love I had for him. Guess what? Within 2years, I had 5 abortions for him due to rough and unwanted sex without condom. Whenever I leave the house after beating, rape, he kept coming back to apologise and his people kept begging me to forgive him. Oh, before I forget, 2 of the abortions I had wasn’t for Emeka but for his 2 friends. They kept making love to me whenever they like and kept threatening me never to tell anyone about it and if I ever, they will show the world my sex tape which Emeka recorded for them to watch.
I wasn’t free anymore with my man lover whenever his friends were around to play and eat in our house. He beat me up whenever I don’t cook for him and his friends. He will drag me from my room to show his friends my naked body just to brag about his lady body and how endowed she is. I was absolutely nothing in his face/house anymore.
I couldn’t keep up with the way things were going so I left his house and never went back and he never searched for me. It took me a year or 2 before I could totally forget my 1st love and relationship with Emeka and his wicked friends. I never told anybody about this.
Where should I start from? Was I foolish? Is it a crime to love and hope for good times? I know many girls in Nigeria, Africa, world are passing through what I passed through but I think it’s high time we stand against #FemaleChildAbuse #ChildRape and say No to Violence in relationship.
I have parents/friends I could talk to but I was threatened and abused! I wasn’t strong because love made me weak! It was a sad time in my life.
Written by @RealBabymouth